Ryan Bodine -

I know the plans...

Sun, 15 Apr 2012 00:00:00 GMT

Jeremiah 29:11.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

This is a verse that probably most people know. A verse we always turn to when we want God's direction in our life. We want to know the plans. But that's where we are in the wrong. We don't need to know the plans. We need to know the "I". We need to know God.

Without knowing God, the plans are nothing. If we do know the author of the plans, it wouldn't make sense to us. They are probably our own plans. We must first know the "I".

Through my high school and college years, this is one of the verses I always clung to. I was never the kid growing up that wanted to be a policeman, a firefighter, or a doctor. Just my luck that this promise is in the Bible! So many times I prayed "God tell me the plans," to which little or no response was given. Because I wanted to know the plans more than I wanted to know Him.

Over the course of the last few years, I've been on this journey of understanding who the "I" truly is. And the plan was simply to trust Him. To trust Him, because He loves me. God has led me on a path that has had a lot of "I don't know's". But as I learned about the "I", and fell more in love with Him, I Ryan, have come to find out that "I" does know.

That his plans to prosper me are true. His plans to give me hope and a future are good. As I've fallen more in love with the "I", I have fallen in love with the plans He has for me. Plans that only the "I" could ever know, and plans that only He could ever have dreamt up.

You want to know the plan? Fall in love with the "I."

from a future husband, to a future bride

Fri, 30 Dec 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Please, I know its hard. I know its unbearable at times, but please just wait for me.

I know you are lonely and you want someone to hold you, someone to tell you that you're beautiful, for someone to make you feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I desperately want to be the one to do that.

You look around and wonder when you are going to get your "happy ever after." You will, just hang in there!

I'm here. Trust me, I am. I'm looking for you too. I'm lonely too.

But the places you are going looking for "love," the things you are doing to feel "love," they are breaking my heart babe.

Those guys aren't me... Those guys aren't able to give you the love I can. The love you were made to need. They give you tears, regrets and insecurity. They make you feel dirty as you walk home after another night, all by yourself. They make you feel worthless and you wake up with yet another hangover wishing that what you know happened didn't actually happen. Again.

They don't care about you. You are just another girl. You are just a fix. You are just a means to an end. Its fake! Don't you see! Can't you see! They don't love you!! I do...

I'm here. And Its killing me that I can't be with you and that you are torturing yourself like this.

When you do the things you are doing, go the places you go, looking for me, you aren't the girl I'm looking for. You won't find me there, cause thats not the type of man you want. Thats not the type of man I am. Matter of fact, your wasting yourself away and becoming the opposite. I'm begging you. Please, stop.

And that love that you are looking for, that other half that you so desperately want. It's not even something I can give you. its something that you first have to receive from Jesus. We can only love because he first loved us. we have to receive his love.

So please, hear me out. I'm begging you. stop the torture. You may feel numb, but you are killing me. Its breaking my heart that you are throwing your precious pearls to the pigs. And one day, you won't feel numb as you tell me, the man of your dreams, all these things that you've done, your tarnished past, and watch as the tears stream down my face.

Seek real love. Get lost in that love that surpasses knowledge and fulfills you in ways that will make me fall even more in love with you. Be the girl you want me to marry even though we are yet to meet.

I'm here. I'm waiting for you. My heart longs for you.

Multiplication. Investment. (part 1)

Fri, 9 Dec 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Don't worry, don't be nervous. If you are having flashbacks to 5^th grade and wishing you would have studied that daggum table just 10 more minutes, you don't have to fret. I'm talking about a different kind of multiplication.

Investment. Now there are a couple of you that just read the words "investment" and "multiplication" and you're thinking, "now that's what I'm talking about!" Sorry to disappoint, that's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about Kingdom stuff. Stuff that a 100 years from now, will actually matter. Stuff that if we were right minded, we would realize is the only thing that matters, right now... I was asked some time back what I thought about financially supporting a person that was going to be a field director for a mission site over the summer. My immediate response, "YES!" Why was it such an easy response? Those two words: Investment. Multiplication.

Because when I talk about those two words, or they come up in conversation, you want to get as much as you possibly can out of what you put in. You want to invest a little and hope to get a lot, and you want the multiplication to be times more than two.

So what does Kingdom stuff and those two words have to do with each other? Believe it or not, absolutely everything.

Imagine with me this little ball of snow. Its rolling down a hill collecting even more snow and its goes from little to big. Every spin it gets bigger and bigger. Then little pieces go flying off it and they start rolling and get bigger and bigger as well. They keep rolling and rolling! Little pieces fly off them and start rolling until the entire hill is covered with huge balls of snow rolling down the hill.

You get it don't you? That's multiplication. What does that look in the Kingdom though...

Is this your child?

Mon, 14 Nov 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Is this your little guy? Do you recognize this face? If you could hear his voice, would it be familiar? How about his laughter? Would it be the distinct sound of joy that makes your own heart melt? His little hand in yours; in that moment, does it make everything right in the world?

He's not, is he?

But what if he was?

Would it matter to you

that he didn't eat today?

That he didn't eat yesterday...

That he doesn't have water to bathe, let alone drink...

Or that when he fell down, no one was there to pick him up...

That he doesn't have anyone to give his precious little hugs to...

He hasn't once heard the words "meme nakupenda."

I love you...

Does it really matter? Does it?

With our mouths, with our minds, we say, "of course it matters! This is inhumane!!" but what do our actions really say?

Orphan is the term we use for 145 million children in this world. A number that is exponentially growing. Of the 145 million orphans, an estimated 143 million of those children are suffering from malnutrition.

400,000 of these kids will die this year...

400,000.

Today, 1,095 will die.

In the 10 minutes it has taken you to read this, right at 8 orphans will have died.

Today, November 14^th, is World Orphans Day. It's not a day that we should have to "celebrate."

This isn't a terrible disease like Cancer or Parkinson's, that we don't have cures for. There is a cure, a solution to this epidemic. It's you... This huge problem takes one person saying I am willing to do something about it...

"That one life matters! I will love him!"

Then it grows to 10 people, then 50 people, then 2,000, and one day these 145 million children that aren't being love, won't be a "problem."

So what if he was yours? What if he was your starving, malnutritioned, unloved little boy? What would you do about it... Even more importantly,

What has Jesus called us to do...

yay me! wait, what...

Fri, 4 Nov 2011 00:00:00 GMT

So today is my birthday. Yay, me! I'm 26!! That's exciting and all but the more I look at my life, the more I realize it's not about me. I mean, my birth day... The only thing I did on my birth day was finally arrive. I was naked and gross. Maybe we should celebrate my mom's accomplishment! Nice job mom!

But after some reflecting, I'm starting to think that maybe my life has been less about me and more about you...

Since you're reading this, you've probably been apart of my "great cloud of witnesses" and allowed me to run this incredible race. You've probably been the "iron that sharpens iron" in my life that has made me the man I am today. So is it really about me? One might say that I, am actually the bi-product of you... Without you, I am not me.

And even less of a maybe, and more of a most definitely, if its not been about me, if it's really got nothing to do with me, then its about Him...

Its all about Him and its always been about him. And there is a big difference between saying that, and living a life that says it. It took 24 years for me to start living a life that says that. It seems like a lot of people "can't believe what I am doing," and I get a lot of, "I just don't know how you do it." Guess what, I'm right there with you... This is craziness and I don't know what is happening most of the time, but all I can say is that, "He is so good. He is so so good."

What did I have to do with it... I said, "alright I'll go."

And that's all that God is looking for. You, to have a willing heart. He already has the story and you already have a part. it just so happens to perfectly match the desires of your heart. It happens to be exactly what you were made to do. And the great thing is, you get to decide whether you want to be apart of it or not. It's on you.

So today, on my birthday, I celebrate you (and you, mom!). Thank you for the impact you've had on my life. Your encouragements, prayers and support have enabled me to faithfully answer the Lords call. And today I celebrate Him! I look at my 365 days of age 25, and can't not see God's faithfulness to me. What 26 will bring... great great things! Thanks for investing in my life!

- Ryan

Take Blind Steps

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 00:00:00 GMT

The blindfold is on. It's completely dark. You've got someone behind you, most likely a person you can trust. They are pushing you forward. It's a challenge. You trust them, you are working together, but you really want to see what's next. Can't you at least sneak a peak down and see the floor below you? It takes all you've got to not pull that bandana off! You can trust the person but what if... What if their perspective isn't as good as yours and they miss something? You could fall! What if they push you faster than you can run? What if they trip you up and slow you down? It's scary.

This is very much the journey that the Lord has led me on over these last 20 months now. There have been a lot of blind steps. Almost all the steps have been blind. He has asked me to do, led me to do, some ridiculous things. I get asked questions all the time about what's next and my frequent answer is, "ya know, I really don't know yet..."

Here are a few things I do know:

You've got to be moving to be led.

So many times we let fear (or excuses) cripple us to the point that we just sit still. We don't know the full plan so we sit still until we do. We don't know what's next so we stay stuck in what's now. If you want to be moved in a certain direction, you've got start moving your feet. God will always reveal just enough of the plan, at the exact time, right when you need to know it.

He has got more for you.

More than you could ever imagine. The plans that God has for your life are so good that you couldn't even dream them up for yourselves. The key, trade something little, for something huge. Trade your human dreams, for his divine dreams. What he wants to happen, will be accomplished. Be willing. Say, "yes Lord!"

You can trust him.

He is the one Father that loves us perfectly and knows us, because He intimately formed us! He knows the true desires of our hearts. Not the desires we "have" the deceive us, but the true desires that we have. Desires that we don't even know are our desires, He wants to led us to them. He wants good things for our lives. He is always working things out for our good.

Last Tuesday (Oct 4^th) the blind steps of faith continued for me. I flew 21 hours to Nairobi, Kenya because that is where I felt God was calling me. I needed to continue learning about orphanages. Take blind steps. I arrived at 12:30am not having confirmation from either hostel I contacted, aka not knowing where I was staying that night. I walked outside the airport and two different people with "r. bodine" signs were waiting for me. Take blind steps. I was about to take my first Matatu ride to Kijabe, not intimidated but not sure how things were going to turn out. I squeeze into the back of the Matatu and notice 3 mzungus sitting in the front. We start talking. "where you from? How old are you? oh, what church or organization are you with?"

"yeah, we are here with an organization called Adventures in Missions."

Take blind steps.

Do you see? Blindness, when being led by the Father, is not blindness at all.

in all things.

Fri, 8 Jul 2011 00:00:00 GMT

it's not too often that i do this but i want to share with you something that's been on my mind. maybe more like, what God has been teaching me especially in these last few weeks. sometimes i think he teaches me things that are for me, but not for me to keep to myself. i guess you could say this is a mini lesson on life from a guy that is still trying to figure out life... dangerous right? but maybe this is for you...

it seems like in the last, probably the last year or so, some crazy things have happened in my life. things that have left me thinking, "huh? wait what? you, you've got to be kidding me?" and the more i look around, the more i see that's probably been the story for a lot of people. If we go even larger scale, we see some major tragedies have happened in the last year or so: earthquakes, typhoons, tornadoes, etc. Things that leave us asking "why?" This is not the blog where i make my disillusioned prediction that the world is going to end. sorry, ain't gone happen! But i want to share a couple statements of truth that has helped keep me through this journey we call life.

God's in control.

When it comes down to it, this is what matters. He is in control. As much as we desire to be in control or maybe even at times, think we are in control, we aren't. Our plans fail, people fail us. A saying that rings true in the Philippines is, "expect the unexpected." Maybe it's not just a saying for the Philippines though... Things happen that leave me just shaking my head in disbelief. Sometimes I even laugh. A lot of the times i think "God what? How could this happen? Why does this happen?" It's almost our go to response when things don't go as we expected, "why God!" And His answer for me over this past year has been a pretty simple one,

"because you can trust me, because i love you."

that kind of shuts up all my questions. i mean, what can you really say to that? Good one God. You win. Again... I've been reading here recently in a couple different books, and i've been gaining a better understanding of how great it is that I'm not in control. See we get this sense that we are in control and get these great ideas of what should be happening and then they get torn to shreads and thrown away and we are left here with nothing. Left seconding guessing with what i could've, should've and would've. We can go crazy with this thinking until we finally realize that God's in control and he has been the whole time. We must find comfort in understanding that we aren't in control and that God is. Do you realize that God's not worried or even shaken by a "problem" or "struggle" that we're going through? He cares, oh does he care, but he's not worried. He sees the big picture. He knows the grand plan. He knows exactly why you're going through it, He's going through it with you and even better, He knows the story of redemption the He has already been planned out. As a wise man once said, "hang in there."

so if thats you, i just want to encourage with one last truth. It's found in Romans 8:28 and it's pretty simple. You've probably read it before but maybe you don't know it yet.

in all things God works for the good

of those who love him

Read it again. (do it!) it says "in all things." memorize this. "He is working for my good." He is at work for my good. Maybe not necessarily how we planned it or imagined it, but it's for our good. when you can't go on, declare it over yourself. "He is working for my good." When you are tempted to ask "why?" instead thank Him, "God, I thank you that you are working out all things for my good!" Starting today, live like you believe it. Have freedom in knowing that its true. "He is working for my good!"

I've been... adopted.

Sun, 3 Jul 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Something amazing, you could even call it a little miracle, happened at our childrens home last monday. It's something that I think is worth sharing. It's worth sharing because not only is it the orphan's story, but it's our story. It's your story. It's my story. It's the story of God, our loving Heavenly Father. Below is one of my friend's account of that morning. Give it a read:

"The Filipino man and woman stepped into the nursery and all fell silent. We knew this day was coming but didn't know what it would be like. Seven month old baby Colene sat in the play area, cute as ever in her pink dress, headband, and white shoes. She stared up at them, as the couple stared back. The man began to weep as they stepped into the play pen and sat down next to their new baby daughter. Tears sprang to my eyes as millions of emotions swept over me: sadness over telling this precious little one good-bye, yet joy that she will now grow up in a loving Christian family.

There is nothing sweeter than watching the abandoned be welcomed into a loving home. As I watched this earthly father take his daughter into his arms for the first time, I also saw the image of the Heavenly Father wrapping His loving arms around His children as they come to Him for adoption. I can't stop smiling."

Do you get it..? Do you see what Heather saw that morning? In essence, she saw an physical example of our Heavenly Father that is desperately longing for us. He is pursuing us with this infinite amount of persistence that is completely inspired by love. He would do anything to call us His own. Matter of fact, He already did everything. All this time he's been wanting us. Wanting to know our thoughts, to share in our joys and bring us comfort in our pains. He is consumed by the very thought of us. You could say that He is crazy, in love with us. And when he finally gets us, when we are finally His, there is this overflow of joy. Joy that can only be explained through tears. Tears that come unexpectantly but are the purest explanation of emotions that have been held in for so long.

His. We are His. Finally! We were never abandoned, forgotten or a mistake. We were His. All along that was the plan. We might have taken a couple wrong turns. Maybe made a couple poor decisions. Probably did some real dumb things but all that doesn't matter. We've been forgiven, we are His and we've been adopted.

- ryan

this is the church. this is love.

Mon, 13 Jun 2011 00:00:00 GMT

"beep-beep, beep-beep" ahhh it's so early. why are you beeping phone? stop it. crap, it's a new text. "hey ryan, we need to help some friends." ahhh but it's 6:34am. i don't do mornings. wake up, wake up. "yeah of course, i'll be ready in 20."

i wasn't ready for what God was going to do with me that day. A week previous, Jeff shared a story of a Korean family that had moved here a few years back to plant a church. Last August, while the pastor was returning home from picking up a team from the airport, their vehicle was stopped by a car jacker. When he refused to give up his vehicle the man shot him 7 times. 7 times... In a moment, in an instance, everything changed. A husband, father and pastor of a church, gone. His wife, two girls and church, devastated. Grace was left to raise her two girls and sustain the church they had planted all by herself. God. Why?

These were our friends and we were going to be help them. Last week God randomly had Jeff meet them. He learned that over the past year, their home had been robbed numerous times. They even had a breakin while they were home. Enough was enough. We were not going to let this continue on. He told them to start packing cause we were gonne move them to a place that is safe. Jeff, myself and a few others went and picked up a huge flat bed truck (used for hauling lumber) and spent all morning loading up their boxes and moving them to their new apartment. In the afternoon we went and moved desks and trash at the church. This was no easy work. Matter of fact it was miserable. It was so hot and i was dripping sweat all over the place. My sun burn, intense. It was a rough day. I remember praying, "God, you've got to be my strength today." He did.

As the day came to an end, Jeff and I talked about how easy it would have been for her to give up. Her husband was murdered. She is a widow. She has nothing here in the Philippines. Why not go home to Korea and let people pamper her and care for her? God put us in her life to love her. To care for the widow in her distress. We just might have been exactly what she needed to keep going. God might have made our paths cross at this exact time, at this exact moment, for far beyond anything we could ever imagine...

Although Grace's English was choppy, her gratitude was written all over her face. She was now going to be able to raise her girls without having to worry about their safety. As we left she passed out envelopes to everyone that helped that day. Inside the envelope was 70 pesos (about 1.65 usd). The tears just started to flow out of my eyes. I couldn't contain them. The widow that has nothing, continues to give everything. She continues to smile and be filled with this crazy joy. It seems impossible, that doesn't really make sense, but it's God. That's why...

God's story of love continues in spite of tragedy and in the midst of heartbreak. He continues to be good. Romans 8 says that, "in all things God works for the good of those who love him." When things don't make sense, we get the opportunity to trust that God remains good. What happened that day, was the Bible coming to life. It was God's love being shown through his people to his people.

Ryan

The following sunday, I got the opportunity to lead their entire church service. By entire service, I mean everything: worship, greeting, prayer, sermon, the whole thing. ha I guess there is a first time for everything...

Your Love is Strong.

Sun, 22 May 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Every Thursday night the KIM staff gets together for a great time of worship. As our time was beginning a verse in John 4 came to mind where Jesus says that the time is now when "true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth." To me, that means we worship him with everything that we are. As we sang "Hosanna" we sang the words "break my heart for what breaks yours." It's a very interesting concept. We are proclaiming that we want to align our hearts with God's, not our own. So how do those words go from merely being words in a song to be reality? When we worship our Father in spirit and in truth...

The next morning I got the humbling opportunity to serve meals in a community made up of people that were displaced by Typhoon Ondoy in 2009. This community is very reminiscent of what is beginning to be built in Haiti. Rows and rows of tiny make shift houses that 1000s of people call home. As we arrived 100s of kids came with their little plastic bowls and metal plates. They were so excited for that 1 small meal. It was only a small portion of stew and rice but they were so grateful. A the little precious faces said, "thank you sir." That small portion is easily the only meal they'll have that day and most likely the only meal they've had in a couple days. My heart broke.

How many times have i experienced true hunger? I'm not talking like, "mom, I'm hungry. When's dinner?" Real, true hunger; I have not eaten in some time and i don't know where my next meal will come from. I've never experienced that. Yet countless times i've had meals placed in front of me and hardly ever am I so excited that God provided the meal for me. As i watched all the children and moms go through the line, God kept telling me, "my love is strong." It's because of his great love that those children got to eat that day. It wasn't me. I had nothing to do with it. It was the Father providing for his children.

So tonight, before you have dinner, pray for those that don't. Pray that God will provide for them, and pray how he can use you to be an answer to their prayers.

his love is strong,

(tito) Ryan

a day in the life

Thu, 5 May 2011 00:00:00 GMT

I made a short video for "kingdom dreams" to show at a presentation. Thought maybe I'd share it with you also what a semi-typical day might look like for me. (I would also like to take the opportunity to go ahead and apologize to the condo residents for the noisy children at the pool. I only was responsible for the four quiet ones. fair warning: we just might be back next week...)

Familiar in the Unfamiliar

Wed, 27 Apr 2011 00:00:00 GMT

A week ago today I landed in a country I knew nothing about. Sure, it's in Asia. I think they used to be an American territory and they speak Filipino, right? As I look around it's pretty obvious to see that I'm far from home. There is the staple restaurant, KFC, and a few McDonalds', but Toto and I definitely aren't in Kansas anymore.

In spite of all the new surroundings, it didn't take long for me to realize that I'm actually in a familiar place. I've been to this place before. A place where curious children stop what they are doing to sneak a peak and bravely say "hello!" A place where even the street dogs can't help but take a glance. I'm in a place where I am the foreigner. My white skin and taller frame (at least here) make me unlike all the rest. I'm back under the microscope, but it's a good place to be. The microscope is a great opportunity to carry a constant smile and friendly "hellos" and "good mornings". It's amazing how a few simple words and a smile can change everything.

As I walk, the sound of the public transportation tricycle bikes (not cool enough to be considered motorcycles) zip past...

and the humorous sight of the other public transportation Jeepneys go by...

I also hear the familiar tunes of Celine Dion, Michael Jackson and of course, JUSTIN BEIBER! Oh dear... My best friend, the rooster, crows obnoxiously all hours of the night. In the community, I look up just in time to witness two little giggling boys standing next to each other as they pee off the third floor of the building. I couldn't help but laugh right along with them. Boys will be boys.

There is one familiar that I wish I wasn't so familiar with though. This familiar I want you to share with you so that you can see where my sense of urgency comes from. This one tears at my heart and causes the passion that is inside me to erupt. Let me share a quick story with you:

Saturday I spent time at the "New Faith Family Children's Home" with a missionary, Daisy, that has been here in the Philippines for the better part of four years. It's a great facility, with the most adorable kids and where I will be spending a large portion of my time. As we arrived back at the mission center, I noticed a little guy climbing up on the fence. He was filthy, his shorts were two sizes too big and he was all by himself. Daisy called him over and began to tell me his story as we walked in. "His name is Imon (e-mon) and he is five years old. His mother is nowhere to be found and his dad works a long distance away. During the week, you can find him wandering the streets all by himself. We try our best to help him, but his father won't let us adopt him." At the age of five, Imon is left to fend for himself. Five years old! Can you imagine? Knowing his situation all too well, Daisy led him to the kitchen to get him some food. When Daisy turned back to hand him some food, little Imon was at the trash can looking for food to eat...

In the book "The Hole in Our Gospel", by Richard Sterns, he takes a portion of Matthew 25 and paraphrases it into our contemporary situation. The startling part is the responses he has added to what Jesus says. Take a read:

"For I was hungry, while you had all you needed. I was

thirsty, but you drank bottled water. I was a stranger, and

you wanted me deported. I needed clothes, but you needed

more clothes. I was sick, and you pointed out behaviors

that led to my sickness. I was in prison, and you said I was

getting what I deserved."

This perspective that we take so easily (myself included) is very alarming. How we treat others, is how we treat Jesus. Matthew 25 concludes by Jesus saying,

"Whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me."

Please don't miss the point here. This is not a blog to discourage and say, "Tisk, tisk. We are so bad." This blog is meant to encourage. To encourage us to do what we are all called to do. To encourage us to be doers (not mere knowers) so that others can eat, so that others can drink, so that others are clothed. So that every time we see the "least of these," we see Jesus. And every time we get the privilege to serve the "least of these" we know that we are serving the King. Amen.

Tiyo Ryan (uncle ryan)

Let's do this! (part 3)

Tue, 19 Apr 2011 00:00:00 GMT

It's time for me to go. Where you ask? The Philippines. As you read this, it's very possible that I'm flying over the Pacific Ocean wondering, "what am I getting myself into?" No, this is not just another trip I'm going on. I'm not just adding another country's stamp to my passport. That has no appeal to me whatsoever. This isn't even what I'm doing for now, as I try to "figure life out." I've awoken to a dream and the dream is becoming a reality.

You see over the past year I've been exposed. In Swazi, I sat bedside and watch first hand as a woman died from AIDs. I held this precious baby girl (with the softest afro-hair) that was left in the hands of a stranger by her mother; a baby with no name and no hope for the future. In Haiti, I walked into orphanages and immediately had little hands filling my hands with theirs. Little human beings that were starved for love and just dying to be touched.

Now that I've been exposed, I can't continue on with a "normal life." It's just not possible. If I said "welp, too bad them," and continued on my way, then I'd say that it's ok with me. I'd be saying that that is their own problem. It is not ok with me. It is not ok with that children are being sold into slavery. It's not ok with me that children are given guns and told to kill their families. It's not ok with me that 10s of thousands of children are dying daily from malnutrition. Even worse, is that children are dying every day because they aren't loved...

Yes, it's impossible to fix the world's problems but we are called to play our part! I have a God-given role to fulfill and I've got to do it. I am not a talented man. I don't have any cool stupid human tricks and I really don't excel in many areas. But there is one thing that God has gifted me with. I have a sensitive heart that loves well. I can hold that baby as she falls a sleep. I can say, "great job!" and "I'm so proud of you." I can love.

I have a dream: To one day open up an orphanage in Africa for children and widows. Why? Because they need each other! A child needs love and the widow needs someone to love. It's beautiful! We can fulfill what we are commanded to do in James 1:27 "look after orphans and widows in their distress," by giving them each other.

Step one of the journey: I'll be spending the next 3 months in the Philippines apprenticing with a missionary named Jeff Long. Jeff's ministry has opened and operates multiple children's homes throughout the Philippines. While there, I will be spending my time in the children's homes learning first hand the in's and out's of how an orphanage operates. I'll be learning things like how do they begin, how do you bring sustainability to them and how to avoid learning things the hard way. Small questions that have huge answers! Working under Jeff is the perfect first step.

How can you be apart? You can support the dream financially. I need that. This has got to be the only "career" that consists of extremely long days, away from everything comfortable that requires you to rely on people to support you. My benefit package only kicks in once I get to heaven. If you are passionate about caring for the orphans and widows and want to be apart of supporting the dream financially, you can click "support me" at the top and follow the few steps to do so. My program is fittingly categorized as, "unknown." I also desperately need you to be praying for me. While finances get me there and keep me fed, it's your prayers that keep me going. I look back over my time in Swazi, Haiti and Brazil and know that I couldn't have survived without your prayers. It is overwhelming to know that people are constantly praying for me. I could never thank you enough.

The dream is about to begin...

Ryan

Stop Dreaming (part 2)

Wed, 13 Apr 2011 00:00:00 GMT

If we had to agree upon one name that has been synonymous with dreaming over nearly the last 50 years, it's obvious that Martin Luther King Jr. would be that man. His "I Have a Dream" speech was ranked the top American speech of the 20th century by scholars of public address in 1999. Many people believe that this very speech, spoken in front of the Lincoln Memorial, in front of 200,000 people, was the defining moment in the American Civil Rights Movement. For the majority of my generation, this is what we know most about MLK Jr. He had a dream.

I propose to you that what made this speech so effective is not his charismatic delivery, nope. It was not that it was given by Martin Luther King Jr. It was not even that he had a dream. You see, many of us have dreams. It's something that has been instilled in us from a young age. How many of you said, "When I grow up I want to be a ________?" Simple and plain, you had a dream. What made his speech so effective was that there was much more than a dream. Along with the dream came a vision and a plan.

How different would it have been if MLK Jr. gave this great speech than did nothing about it? Here is a huge injustice that he is addressing, he is very passionate about, but he let the enormity of it hold him back. Think about the negative ramifications that came along with his dream: It would to be too hard. It would take a miracle for things to change! People were going to hate him! What if he allowed all that to intimidate him to simply having a dream? The dream remains simply that, a dream.

Stop just dreaming. Dreams are absolutely useless unless they become a reality. God made us to be dreamers! He made us to have these passions and desires. He has instilled those dreams inside us and he wants us to step forward in faith to fulfill them. We must say, "Yes, this is going to be hard, but if God is for me who can be against me? Yes this seems impossible, but all things are possible with God! Yes people might hate me, but people are supposed to because they hated him first!" The scary "uncertain" questions, have bold powerful answers! It's time to wake up and stop just dreaming!

Ryan

Wake up! (part 1)

Sat, 9 Apr 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Beep beep beep. Beep beep beep. The alarm goes off. The hand reaches over. Smack! Back to sleep... Beep beep beep. Beep beep beep. Already? You've got to be kidding me! Alright. Just one more minute then I'll get out of bed. Nope. Doesn't happen. The bed is warmed to the perfect temperature. The pillows are wadded up perfectly. The eyes are still sleepy. Do I really have to wake up? Can you relate?

I think if we were truly being 100% honest with ourselves, a lot of us need to "wake up." For many of us, this isn't just the morning routine. This has become the every day routine. This has become the every week routine. You feel like you are sleeping through life.

We get to the end of the week and it was the exact same blur as the previous. We're living this boring slooooow mooooootion life. We get to the end of a month and we zombie on into the next month of mediocrity. If that's you, if that's your story, you're frustrated. I've been there. It's terrible. It feels like you are in a funk and it's a story that seems so hard to change.

Well I've got good news folks! We weren't made for mediocrity. We weren't made for the mundane and the normal. So snap out of it! We were made for greatness! We were made to play a specific part in this huge story of God! He has chosen us! We are "more than conquerors!" We are "co-heirs with Christ!" Folks, we have the FULLNESS of Christ within us.

So come on! Get out of bed! It's time to stop sleeping! We've got to wake up to who God is, to who He says we are and to what he wants to do with our lives. It's time for the zombie walk to come to an end!

Coach Ryan

f = faith

Tue, 26 Oct 2010 00:00:00 GMT

Have you ever gotten a chance to be around people that just exemplify what faith truly looks like? No, not people that talk about what faith should look like, but people that actually look it.

This week God set up my team with a weeklong divine appointment. We got to teach/live at a little 3 classroom school called the Casa de Samuel in a favila (what we'd call a slum) here in Brazil. There are around 75 kids that attend here between the first half and second half of the day. The kids are precious. The pictures don't even begin to do justice how much fun they were to play with, teach and love on this week. Most of these children come from terrible homes in which a parent most likely abuses alcohol or does drugs. The goal is to end the generational curse with the kids so that their story doesn't duplicate their parents.

The divine appointment this week wasn't with the children though, it was with the staff. The little staff were the people God wanted me to meet this week and especially a 22-year-old girl named Marina. I (along with John) was so blessed to get to spend every morning teaching her class along side her. With my broken Spanish, her understanding some English and frequent use of the English/Portuguese dictionary we've had a great week. Marina is one of those people that loves so well that you can't help but feel special when you are around her. She's a delight to be around. She is so gentle and patient with the kids and cares for them so well. 1 Peter 3:4,5 says that a woman's beauty should be measure not by outward appearance but "the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is great in God's sight. I think it's safe to say that Marina is great in God's sight. She is a rarity but there is more to this story...

In one of the very few moments that the kids weren't yelling "professor, professor!" I asked Marina if she gets paid to teach at Casa de Samuel. She doesn't. So she spends 7am-6pm Monday-Friday solely out of her love for the kids and because it's where God has called her. After inquiring more with our fun language barrier, I found out that she doesn't live with her parents nor does she work another job. This girl has little to no income. Logically the next question asked was "well how do you eat?" Her response, she smiled, pointed up and said "God." how do you pay for your bills? same cute response, "God!" God has called her to be here, she is being obedient, so He will provide for her. it was almost like a "duhhh Ryan..." If that wasn't enough she then wrote on the board "f = faith."

Obviously that's the Portuguese to English translation but all you have to do is look at Marina's life to see the translation of the word faith to the actual action of faith.

I think most people would call her "crazy." She's working how many hours for no pay? That crazy part is that she isn't "crazy" at all. She is doing exactly what God has called her to do and she is choosing to depend on him to provide everything she needs. Marina's life = faith in God. Would that still be a true statement if your name was in place of Marina's? What in your life is requiring you to have faith in God? Can you live without it? Seriously, can you? Can you live without God? Maybe you've even set up a pretty good life in which you don't really need God. He is good sure, but you can make do without. I want to challenge you to read spend some time studying the gospels and take a deeper look at what it looks like to be a Christ follower and then actually do it. Maybe it's time to be a little more "crazy"...

Ryan (macaco)

A few pics from the week...

John and I teaching "oh wonderful love!"

my girl sarah. I tried to convince her that i was her dad but she wasn't having any of it.

Our team with the staff of Casa De Samuel. What a blessing it was to spend a week learning from them!

And the Journey Continues...

Fri, 24 Sep 2010 00:00:00 GMT

As I pulled up to the AIM headquarters last week I thought to myself, "here I am again." As surreal as it was to be there, it was little different that time. You see, back in January a boy came to Gainesville knowing that he was called to Swaziland, but didn't really know why. He just knew he had to be obedient. He knew God. Matter of fact he knew a lot about Him but had never taken the big step. It's a scary step. It's that step of going from knowing what you're supposed to do, to actually doing it. That step for me came when I was tired of my talk being cheap. When I was tired of serving the Lord half-heartedly even though I knew He requires much more. You know what I'm talking about right? Like, "if I'm gonna follow Christ then I'm going all out!" That's what He requires of us.

A few weeks previous to my leaving for Swazi, I attended the Passion 2010 conference in Atlanta. It was an incredible, life-changing weekend for me. At Passion we made this declaration, "God, kindle in me the desire to go anywhere, at anytime, at any cost, to do anything to proclaim the gospel of Jesus Christ." Read that again. Anywhere, anytime, any cost, to do anything! Eeish! That declaration went from being my bold (probably slightly nave) prayer, to being the journey that God has placed me on.

This 2010 year has been beyond words. You can read all the blogs but they don't even begin to do justice what God has done to this heart. He has taken my little step of obedience and blown me out of the water with how great His time after time. It was not till I had to be fully dependent on Him that I realized how great He truly is. That realization has made me willing to go anywhere, at anytime, at any cost, to do anything to proclaim the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Here we go again. This time Brazil... What? Yeah, that's exactly what I thought but as I prayed God simply said, "serve me." Here I sit in Belo Horizonte, Brazil with a team of college kids. I don't have a clue what this journey will be like but there is one thing I do know; God has never let me down. Every time He's called me and I've stepped out in obedience, He has proved himself to be faithful. Every time I've taken that scary step of going deeper, He's been there waiting for me. Every time He has held up His part of the deal.

So what is it for you? What's holding you back from giving Him everything? What is that big step (maybe even a small step) that you know you ought to take but aren't? He can't fail us and we all know that His plans are much better than our own. Why not put it to the test? As David writes in Psalms "taste and see that the Lord is good!"

Much Love,Ryan

This is my great team. Check out their blogs athttp://brazil.adventures.org/

Purple Pants Boy

Mon, 23 Aug 2010 00:00:00 GMT

We like to start every morning with listening prayer. Its simply asking God to speak to us. It's a very simple concept and extremely Biblical but for some reason I had never really practiced regularly it till earlier this year. If we really want to follow Christ then we have got to be able to hear His voice telling us where to go, right? Anyways, I was doing listening prayer with my group of participants and they were sharing what God had said to them. Isn't incredible to think that God, creator of everything, would care enough to speak directly to us? As we were wrapping up our time of sharing this awesome guy Jason spoke up and said God had given him a vision.

In Jason's vision there was a person, presumably dead, lying on the ground with white birds around it, sort of pecking at the body. Now there has to be grace in this because we are all still growing in hearing God's voice but this was one that left me thinking "well alright..." Jason's vision an interesting one but not one to be discredited.

Walking down the streets of Haiti is quiet the experience. Its loud, cars are recklessly driving all over honking their horns erratically. There is this nasty stuff we call "haitian juice" flowing down the road that is unavoidable. Eventually, you're going to step in it. The smells are horrendous and even worse, they are the kind of smells that you can taste too. Take all this and add many Haitian people staring and numerous shouts of "Hey you!" and "bla" which is short for white. Its quite the adventure.

This particular afternoon we had been out in a community praying with people and listening to their stories. It's humbling to be among so many people that literally have nothing yet still say that, "God will provide." Think about that. That can be almost the opposite of how it is in the states. We have everything and sometimes believe that we are actually the ones that provide it...wrong! Anyways, after a blessed time spent in the community we headed home.

This walk back was different from our previous. Of course it was noisy, hectic and stinky but as we were walking back I noticed a body laying on the side walk. I stared in disbelief not knowing what I was actually witnessing. As I got closer it was apparent that he was still alive but barely. We tried communicating with him but got no response. Our translators said that maybe he was crazy. We tried pouring water in his mouth but he refused to drink. So we prayed. We circled around him and prayed because God knows exactly who this boy is and what is going on with him. When we stopped praying a large amount of Haitians had gathered round us potentially putting my group in danger so we hurried home.

It was very easy to see that a few of my team members were in shock. This is not something that one typically experiences in their lifetime. Many of the girls were distraught and had big 'ol tears rolling down their cheeks. We needed to talk about what had just happened. There were a lot of "how" questions. "How could this happen?" "How could his family and friends not do anything about this?" "How could people just walk past him all day?" Then it switched to "what" questions. This hardest one was "what if that was me?" "What if that was one of my family members?" A sense of urgency came over the group. We've got to do something!

After presenting this to my leaders, they agreed that we had to do something and a truck was sent to pick him up. He was very disoriented as a result of being extremely malnourished. They took him to the hospital where they hooked him up to IVs and pumped some nutrition into his body. The hospital visit ended up being free. Next we called an orphanage that we have a great relationship with and they said they'd take him in. Thank you Lord!

A few days later I took my team to the orphanage and there was the purple pants boy. I sat down next to him and tried to talk with him and comfort him but there was no reciprocation. He wouldn't make eye contact and was very uncomfortable with me showing him any attention. It was very obvious that he has been neglected and probably severely abused.

I couldn't help but sit by his side and rub his bony back. As I sat there I just prayed love into his life and spoke truths over him. I know he couldn't understand me but I know that God was speaking to his heart. Maybe for the first time in his life he felt what its like to be loved. Maybe in that brief hour he realized that someone does care that he is alive. Maybe in those few quiet moments he realized how much Jesus loves him.

How cool is it that earlier in the day God had given Jason what seemed to be sorta a crazy vision? He speaks to us people. Stop allowing prayer to just be this selflish one way communication. Take time being quiet and listening for his voice. In John 10:27 Jesus says, "My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me." We've got to get to know his voice so we know how to follow him.

Ryan

a change in perspective

Mon, 2 Aug 2010 00:00:00 GMT

I have been woken up in numerous ways over my past two months in Haiti. Some of the ways are the pretty standard; alarm clocks, doors closing, people talking. I've also been woken up by some of the finer things in Haiti; unbearable heat, obnoxious car horns, and of course the classic rooster crows at 4am. That one never gets old. Last week I woke up in a way I had never been woken up before. This was a first for me.

The morning started off as a typical morning. Around 5am people in the community where I was living were up and consequently were making noise. They start each morning with a devotional together. So when I woke up at 5am I found my iPod (that I regularly fall asleep on) put my earbuds back in and turn on some tunes. After a few minutes, back to sleep I went. Not a big deal. It happens like that almost every morning.

As I lay there, half out of it, I heard a loud vibrating noise. It's not a noise that I've heard before. It was almost like a loud zooming noise. Still half a sleep I began to realize that the ground is shaking below me. This went on for a good 5 seconds. Long enough for me to wake up and acknowledge what was happening. Then there were screams! Almost simultaneously everyone began screaming and yelling. They were like the screams I had heard a month previous anytime Brazil would score but this time they were screams of terror. We had just experience a decent size tremor.

Of the 33 people in the community I was staying with maybe 5 or 6 of them sleep inside the house. This has become the trend here. At almost any house you go to you'll find that people sleep outside at night. They are so fearful that another earthquake will happen during the night and they won't be able to escape. This fear is justified though.

Can you imagine frantically running home to see if your house is still standing? You get there and all you see is crumbled remains of what was once your house. Where are your family members? Have they escaped? Are they trapped inside? All you hear are screams of fear. This is what it was like for millions. I would sleep outside too.

The terror that unexpectently struck this nation has resulted in not only overwhelming devastation and loss but also an incredible amount of fear. Yes, the earthquake was 6 months ago but those are feelings they will live with for the rest of their lives. We need to continue to be praying for Haiti.

God I pray that you would take those feelings of fear and replace them with your peace. That they would grieve their loses appropriately but that you would give them hope for the future. That they would know that you are still in control and that you have great plans of redemption for Haiti.

Ryan

The Haitian Welcome

Wed, 7 Jul 2010 00:00:00 GMT

As I landed in Port Au Prince on May 31st the most adorable, shy, young lady sitting next to me in her broken English said, "Welcome to my country." It was definitely one of those "Aww" moments. A few weeks ago though, I got my official welcome to Haiti. It was not one of those "Aww" moments.

I was having one of those days. You know exactly what I mean by one of those days. I started off the morning by working out too hard and throwing up. Then I headed out with my crew to get 25 lbs bags of rice and 100 lbs bags of beans. From there we loaded up countless amounts of 5 gallon jugs of water. It's not the lifting that's the bad part but the incredible amount I sweat in this nasty heat. It's unbelievable! We finished dropping off the water, got in the truck to head to the grocery store, and the truck wouldn't fire up. Yep, that's when I knew for certain it was one of those days. A local mechanic, a few hours, and 3,000 gourdes later we were on our way.

As we got to the main road and headed up the bridge there were two police officers randomly pulling vehicles over. Just my luck, we were one of the lucky ones that got selected. Fortunately, we had Budu (best driver in all of Haiti) and Zachery (an awesome translator) with us (Kelsey and me) or we'd been in serious trouble. We pulled over and they immediately took Budu's license and some other paper work.

Eventually Budu got tired of waiting and got the policeman's attention which resulted in them having a little back and forth discussion. Even Zach one of the most mild mannered Haitians I know was getting a frustrated. After things escalated a little more Budu and Zach were asked to get out of the truck leaving me and Kelsey absolutely baffled at what was really going on. First off, many believe (myself included) that the police here are corrupt. Also, it doesn't help that our truck has Dominican Republic plates on it seeing that Haitians and Dominicans aren't the friendliest with each other. Another 10 minutes passed and now Kelsey and I were asked to get out of the truck.

The lack of reasoning to what was happening is so aggravating and Kelsey might have been a bit more than aggravated. She doesn't take the nonsense very well. I was right there with her but maybe not as vocal. Not that the police could understand what she was saying, but I think they knew from her tone that she was not thrilled. It just didn't make any sense though. Zach and Budu didn't even know what the police were doing. It had been easily over 30 minutes and nothing had really been explained and we were all to out wits end.

We hit the breaking point when the Haitian police told us that we had to leave our truck and that they were going to take Kelsey and me away in a police van. Immediately I had to pull Kelsey away because she was beyond her boiling point. We needed to come with a plan because we were not about to get in a police van. After plotting and just being completely dumbfounded and frustrated I thought, "Hey we haven't even prayed!" So we closed our eyes right there, asked for forgiveness and then prayed that God would take care of this mess and also take care of us. Not two minutes after we said "Amen" the police handed Budu back his license and the paperwork and we were sent on our way!

If that wasn't enough, later that evening as I drove back over that same bridge there was a huge rainbow spanning across the sky. "Welcome to Haiti Ryan. Are you going to lean on your own understanding or are you going to trust Me?" You know, things always work out a lot better when we let Him be in control. Thank you Lord for always being in control and never worried even when things aren't looking good.

In just five months.

Sun, 27 Jun 2010 00:00:00 GMT

Its been a little over five months since the 7.0 magnitude earthquake struck Haiti. Over 3 million lives changed in just 30 seconds and more than 200,000 lives lost. You probably can remember where you were when you heard about it and probably even remember the horrific images that you saw on the television. They can remember how it felt though. There was just an incredible amount of destruction, mass chaos and thousands upon thousands dead. There was a sense of desperation that something needed to be done.

What you may not know is that that desperation started back in November. Haiti had been under a spiritual stronghold for over 200 years. They made a pack with satan that if he'd free them from slavery from the French, they'd turn to him. They got their freedom from the French and became devoted to voodoo. Many people described Haiti as one of the darkest countries in the world. Pastors couldn't get people in their churches. Missionaries would leave after only a few months. Haiti was a mess. In November of last year, thousands pastors from different denominations threw their differences aside and meet together to pray from their country. They prayed bold prayers literally asking that God would "take Haiti and shake everything that could be shaken." Guess what, He answered.

Everywhere I look I see the power of God. I mean, look at the picture. What else is powerful enough to do that? At times I'm heart broken because those were people's homes and businesses that's are now just rubble. God answers prayer though. They wanted shaken and that's exactly what God gave them. It's the Haitians themselves that will tell you it was God. They are rejoicing! If you go outside you can hear churches at all hours. One team this week had "noise problems" because the church they were staying near started services at 4am and ended around 10pm daily! Can you imagine?

At home if the service goes past an hour and a half people are getting anxious. Last Wednesday I got the chance to go to a service and these people praised Jesus! "Merci Jesu!" I mean there were praising, shouting their adoration to Jesus. We even ended the night with about 30 minutes of sweat dripping dancing. It was great! I look at my life and wonder, "why don't I worship like they do? Is God not this great in my life too?" What are we doing wrong? We know its not God that's in the wrong... "Do I not have reason to worship God like these people do? Have I taken for granted everything that He has blessed me with and somehow thought it was all me?" Its very convicting yet refreshing at the same time. Its refreshing to see people just go crazy for Jesus because that's the proper response to what He is doing in their lives. In the midst of destruction and hopelessness they have turned to God. There is much we can learn from the church in Haiti.

Ryan

If you are looking for ways to help out in Haiti, AIM (Adventures in Missions) has a really great program called "Church-to-Church" that is connecting Haitian churches with non-Haitian churches. You can find more information about it here: http://www.adventures.org/haiti/churchtochurch.asp

my name is temba

Sat, 6 Feb 2010 00:00:00 GMT

Saneebonanee! (or hello!) friends!

I'm in Swaziland, Africa right now... crazy right? The village we are living in is called Timbutini which literally translates to "too many goats" and the name couldn't be more fitting. They are all over the place. On our homestead there are goats, cows, hens and about 5 too many roosters. The roosters are horrible. When you think rooster you think about them crowing when the sun comes up. Not ours. They are blind or something cause they regularly start crowing between 2:30am-3:30am and keep going till it's light outside. Maybe they are fortune telling crows or something. At night we throw rocks at them to try to throw off their sleeping schedule but it hasn't worked. Actually the past two mornings they've been crowing like crazy and I went outside to run them off and 3 of them were outside our window crowing. We have a mutual hate for each other. They are worse than an alarm clock.

Life here in Swazi is so basic. We have big metal water tanks that get filled semi regularly and are connected to our gutter so rain water can flow into them. That is our main source of water outside of our bottled drinking water. We use the tank water to clean, wash our clothes (by hand!) , take bucket showers. What is this bucket shower you ask..? You fill up a bucket with water, go into this sheet metal privacy deal and cup water over yourself, soap up, then rinse. That my friends is good living. I love the bucket showers! Just like I would at home, I take long bucket showers. They are great! We also have 3 out houses (not your typical port-o-pots) to do business on. I use a specific one that doesn't have a door and semi faces the dirt road. You know, it kind of makes things more exciting. First time I went to sit down I thought I about to fall through down into the poo. I sit gingerly now.

We have electricity a good majority of the time but we don't really need it other than to power our frig and lights once it gets dark. I'm sure our electric bill would make you envious. As you can guess we don't have the Internet. The closest Internet to us is about a 20 minute drive into a town called Manzini. I guess Internet would cost about 100 bucks a month and considering that 70% of the population makes less than a dollar a day...yeah. Not even our local chief has Internet. Crazy thing is that everyone and seriously everyone has a cell phone! Even our Gogo Shangway (grandma) who is 70 years old and lives this super basic, chicken killing life, has a cell phone... I can 't make any sense of it. She is really fun though.

Life here is a great though. The terms "hurry up and wait" and "swazi time" are so true of swazi. If something starts at 10am it might start at 11am. Regularly I feel like we are in a hurry to get somewhere then stand around for a good 15 minutes. You'd think it would stress you out but you get used to it and the change of pace has been refreshing for me. Life is slow and laid back. There is no real hurry for anything and honestly with the crap dirt roads you couldn't go anywhere fast if you wanted to. (fun story: there are always cows in the road so one of the local missionaries named Dennis, made up a game called "punch! that! cow!" in which you try to punch the cow from your car. Ha! We've not been successful yet but before I leave I will have "punched that cow!"

Lets get to the good stuff.

We've started spending time at the "care points" where many orphans and children spend time. There are three that we'll be spending a majority of our time at. The children have big beautiful smiles and are always filled with joy. Kids that have nothing, sometimes no family, nothing to call their own and they have joy. Seems like we have messed up somewhere along the way doesn't it? We have so much but lack joy a lot of the time. Their joy comes from love which is from God.

On our first day at the care center nearest our homestead the magay (a volunteer mother) gave us swazi names cause "American names are too hard." Her name written out phonetically is lun-gee-le and that's an easy Swazi name. She is a lot of fun and always laughing at/with us. The swazi name given to me is "Temba" (sounds like "Simba" with a "T") meaning "hope." So cool... While at the care centers we play with the kids and just love on them like crazy. We tickle them, play tag and spin them around till we are all dizzy. You can't keep their hands out of your own or keep them out of your arms. It's so great! There was a little girl named "Sunda" that was very to herself. She wouldn't play, somehow wasn't ticklish and really pretended like we didn't even exist. I stayed close to her though and after what seemed like forever I finally saw emotion on her face as a tear rolled down her cheek. Of course I don't know why but I can't even begin to imagine what goes through these precious children's minds. I immediately picked her up and held her close. I rubbed her little back and wiped the sweat and snot off her face. My heart absolutely melted and after a few minutes of rocking her she was sleeping in my arms. I whispered quietly in her ear over and over that there is hope, that she is loved and that Jesus loved her. That is why I am here... "temba." A baby, a tot, a child needs to be held. They need to know they are loved. They didn't chose this life. Its not something they did wrong or their fault in anyway. We have got to love! Jesus needs us to love! If we don't do it, then who will? Please, please realize that wherever you are and whatever your doing you have got to love. The world is dying for people to love them.

Alright, I love you guys soo much. You are such an incredible blessing to me. Please continue to pray for myself and my team! God has great things in store for Swazi!

Ryan (temba)